I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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