Tell her she can't have a vagina
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
