This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
