after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
