I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
