My underwear smells like fireworks.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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