yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
