If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you will always have a special place in my vag
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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