i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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