Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
