so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
