I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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