told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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