wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
