i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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