M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
