Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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