Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
