my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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