Your mouth is God's brothel.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
