We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
