your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
