You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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