Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
