loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
