Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
