obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this just has baby written all over it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize