Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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