It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
