You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
