they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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