Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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