I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
