I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i dont even know how to be here
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
