My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
barbara walters just said penis...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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