based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
farters have to be the big spoon...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
