I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
