High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
