I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
