My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
