No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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