I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
