He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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