Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
