I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
accomplished twins. life is a go
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
