Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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