well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
