i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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