We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
