The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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