Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
