the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
