I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
