she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
