He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
