I want to make a zoo with you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize