burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
