it hurts more in the daytime
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
