One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
