I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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