hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
