I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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