OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
